


Last Christmas

by NikiAlex03



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Kissing, M/M, Oblivious Magnus Bane, Pining Alec Lightwood, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28441296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiAlex03/pseuds/NikiAlex03
Summary: Magnus' heart was broken last Christmas when his proposal to Camille was rejected in the most cruel of ways. This year, in an effort to prove to both her and himself that he's moved on, he enlists the help of his friend, Alec, to pretend to be his boyfriend. After all, it's just one week before Camille leaves, how hard can it be?
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Camille Belcourt, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 137





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh I'm so happy to finally post this! This has been my project for the past week, when I first got this idea in my head a few days before Christmas and began writing with the intention of posting on Christmas day.   
> That didn't happen, because life got in the way, but it's here now, and as much as I loved working on this fic I can safely say that I will be happy to never have to work on it again for how much stress it caused me.  
> I changed up the original plot of it a couple times, and it might have been uploaded two days earlier had I not convinced myself during editing that it was actually The Worst Thing Ever and wanted the scrap it.   
> ...That also didn't happen, because I went back to it the next day and realized that I actually did quite like it. And so now here we are. Yes, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster.  
> Please enjoy, and I'll continue this note at the end <3

_**...I gave you my heart** _

Magnus had come to find that his feelings towards New York City tended to fluctuate. He both loved and hated it with the sort of intensity one could only possess after having lived here for so long, and NYC undoubtedly held a certain something special that he had simply never been able to replicate anywhere else, no matter how many places he’d visited. He loved the city, most of the time. 

Right now was not one of those times.

Right now, he absolutely loathed it.

_ Or, rather _ , he thought, in fairness, he loathed a certain someone that it reminded him of. The entirety of New York City didn’t deserve to suffer his resentment for just one person. Least of all  _ this _ person.

Magnus scowled at his reflection in the window as his mind conjured up the image of Camille Belcourt to dangle in front of him like a cruel taunt, after Magnus had actively been trying to  _ not _ think about her since he bought his plane ticket back to the city the day before. He wondered idly, as the car rolled through the always crowded streets of the city, if Camille had even noticed he was gone yet.  _ Probably not _ , he thought with a glance at his phone resting in the tight grip of his hand, which had yet to receive so much as a text from her. He certainly wasn’t going to be the one to text or call first. 

Magnus hadn’t yet notified anyone of his return besides Alec, and Alec wasn’t exactly the type to be meeting up for Sunday brunch and gossip, so he doubted that the news had reached anyone else. Magnus stared out the window as the memories of all the plans he had had for this particular return haunted him, all of which were now crushed along with the rest of his dreams.

_ Stop it. _ He warned himself.  _ Don’t go there. _

He thought about Cat, and Ragnor. Along with Alec, they were two of his oldest and dearest friends. He had missed them every second he had been away from the city. Cat would no doubt have lots to say about the fact that Magnus hadn’t given her a heads up about him being back, especially since his heads up about  _ leaving _ in the first place had been so short. But he hadn’t known how to tell her about this trip or his intentions for taking it. He had known that she would never approve. And now that he was back, with everything Cat had ever had to say about Camille proven true, he was even less enthusiastic about having to face her. 

“Sir?” 

Magnus was pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of his driver’s voice. He started, realizing that they had stopped outside of his building; he had no idea for how long.

“Thank you.” He said to Elias. He climbed out, the cold winter weather hitting him and instantly making him miss the inviting warmth of the villa he had just left, if he missed nothing else about it.

Pulling his coat tighter around him, Magnus ran into the lobby of the apartment building, the door held open for him by the doorman. Elias followed shortly after, Magnus’ lone suitcase in his hand. 

“This really is everything you came back with?” Elias asked with a frown.

Magnus offered a tight smile that he hoped was convincing enough not to warrant further questioning, “I’m a minimalist.” 

There was a disbelieving scoff behind him, and Magnus spun around to face the source of it, opening his mouth to offer a quick rebuke.

Whatever words he’d been planning to say immediately died on his tongue.

“Alec?” 

The single word left his mouth without his permission, and the person in front of him smiled, though it did not fully reach his eyes, which, as much as he tried to conceal it, regarded Magnus with the worst emotion-  _ pity _ . It was the last thing he wanted, least of all from Alec, who had especially tried to warn him before he’d left and who Magnus had treated so terribly in return.

“No one who knows you would call you a minimalist.” Alec said by means of a response, gesturing to Magnus’ suitcase. Magnus had entirely forgotten about the suitcase. 

“What are you doing here?” Magnus asked.

The corners of Alec’s mouth tugged down in a frown, the question seeming almost ridiculous to him, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

“This isn’t a good time.” Magnus said, “I need to unpack-”   
“How long will that take you?” Alec asked, “It’s just one suitcase.”

“It-”

“Sir?”

Grateful for the excuse not to answer Alec’s question and flushed from the fact that he’d again so easily forgotten about there being other people in the room, Magnus turned to face Elias, who was regarding him with a curious glint in his eye, masked only by the layers of practiced professionalism.

“Should I have the porter take your things up to your loft?” Elias asked. 

Magnus cast a derisive glance at his _ ‘things’ _ and nodded, “That would be appreciated, thank you Elias.”

Elias bowed away, and Magnus faltered for a second before he looked helplessly towards the doorman, who had gone back to his desk and was pointedly ignoring them. It was 2am, and the lobby was otherwise empty, so Magnus had no other choice but to steel himself and face Alec once more.

“Listen-” He began, but was cut off by Alec raising a single gloved hand.

Before Magnus could begin to be offended by the gesture, Alec said:

“How are you?”

Magnus felt himself deflate. Suddenly, all he wanted was to curl up in his bed and forget about the rest of the world. Forget especially about that trip.

“I haven’t told anyone else.” Alec said softly, “I just figured you would like some company when you got here.” 

Magnus sucked in a ragged breath, “I don’t-”

He found himself unable to finish declining. 

“Yeah.” Alec said with a small smile. He stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Magnus’ shoulder, “Let’s go.”  


* * *

Magnus’ loft looked the same as he’d left it, which might have been a comfort had it not been for the fact that it meant that everywhere he looked, Magnus saw  _ her _ . Now that they’d broken up, Magnus could see the full force of influence Camille had had on his life. She hadn’t even lived here full time, and yet the loft didn’t feel like Magnus’ at all. It was  _ hers _ , from the wallpaper to the furniture. Camille was written over everything he owned, and once upon a time Magnus hadn’t minded, had even found it endearing, but now it just made him sick.

“I need to redecorate.” He said absently, accepting the glass of wine Alec offered him. Alec made a muted sound of acknowledgement before situating himself onto the couch next to him. The tension of words left unsaid settled between them, Magnus shifting uncomfortably until he could handle it no longer.

“You can say what you want to say.” Magnus said. He didn’t look at Alec, even as he felt Alec’s eyes piercing into him. He focused his gaze on his fingertips tracing the rim of the glass.

There was a moment of silence, and then, “I didn’t come here to say ‘I told you so.’”

“But you’re thinking about it.” Magnus pointed out, knowing he was right as he finally looked up and saw the edges of guilt in Alec’s expression, “And you wouldn't be wrong about it.” 

“What good would it do, anyway? Just rubbing salt into the wound.” Alec said, shaking his head.

Magnus’ short laugh was full of self contempt, “I haven’t told Catarina that I’m back yet. Or Ragnor.”

“They’d understand-”   
“But they  _ told _ me.” Magnus interjected, “You all did. Maybe I might have saved myself the…  _ humiliation _ of all this had I bothered to listen.”

He bent his head again, all too aware of his lone suitcase behind them, and what was in the suitcase, taunting him. Camille’s face as he’d given it to her, the disgusted words she’d said in response to him pouring his heart out to her.

“ _ Magnus _ .” Alec said, drawing him back, “This isn’t your fault. You… you loved her. That’s not a bad thing.” 

Magnus had nothing to say to that, so he brought his glass to his lips and downed the rest of it in one go. When he was finished, he found Alec staring at him, his expression unreadable.

“How much have you had to drink since… it?” Alec winced at his own words but made no attempt to take them back.

“ _ It  _ only happened yesterday.” Magnus said with a sigh, “And I booked the flight immediately after, so, not nearly enough. I haven’t had nearly enough to drink.”

Actually, this was his first real drink since he’d left the villa. He hadn’t had much of a chance to. He’d kept sober on the plane, and even now had no real desire to get drunk even as he felt that the pain of it all would consume him if he didn’t. Perhaps this was his punishment for himself; having to endure this without alcohol to numb him. It was the least he deserved.

“Magnus.” Alec called again, a gentle tug back to the present, “I can _ hear _ you thinking.” 

“Hmm.” 

Alec took Magnus’ now empty glass and placed it next to his on the coffee table. He hesitated a moment, before reaching out to hold Magnus and pull him closer to him. 

“Is this… is this okay?” Alec asked hesitantly.

Magnus nodded. He buried his head in Alec’s chest. He’d forgotten what this felt like.

“I’m sorry for the way I treated you, before I left.” Magnus said, remembering with a twisting ache in his chest the way he’d pushed Alec away as he’d reach out to him. An attempt to get Camille to stop insinuating that he loved her any less, for being so affectionate towards his friends. 

“It’s okay.” Alec said, because of course he did.

Magnus hated himself right then, but Alec’s adamant refusal to do the same held him together, the way it always had.

“She laughed at me.” Magnus said in a small voice he didn’t even recognize as his own, “I asked her to marry me, and she laughed.”

He could still picture the scene, as clear as though it were happening right at that very moment.

He was glad, at least, for the fact that he hadn’t done a public proposal as he’d initially intended, but had waited until they’d returned to their villa afterwards. He’d seen all of the signs. Even that very night, with the way Camille had flirted shamelessly with their waiter right in front of him, telling Magnus to lighten up when he’d expressed his dissatisfaction.

Alec cradled him tighter, but didn’t say anything. Magnus was okay with that. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. Had he slept since he’d left? He’d spent the entire flight trying to keep himself from making an even bigger fool of himself and crying in front of all the other passengers. He clung to Alec as he forced himself to ignore his brain's attempts at throwing Camille’s taunts and jeering looks at him, and slowly he fell into darkness, a restless sleep taking him.

* * *

He woke the next morning to Alec gently nudging at his side. Magnus groaned and yanked the blankets back up over himself. He  _ really _ needed time to readjust to this weather. Alec’s laugh was muffled by the blankets over Magnus’ ears, and Magnus wanted to glare at him but was reluctant to open his eyes to do so. Eventually, it was the smell of breakfast drifting towards him that drove him to full consciousness, his stomach rumbling as he realized he hadn’t actually eaten anything since the plane ride, when he’d forced himself to finish half a sandwich- more for knowing that he  _ had _ to eat something than actually having an appetite.

“I ordered up breakfast.” Alec said as Magnus sat up in the bed and took in the trays.

“I see that.” Magnus said, “You got enough to feed a small family, Alec.”

Alec shrugged and scratched behind his neck, “I didn’t know what you wanted.”

“So you got  _ everything _ ?” Magnus teased, but he reached towards the waffles and started spreading syrup over it. Way too much, the way he liked them. Alec scrunched his nose but said nothing out loud, and Magnus’ shoulders shook with silent laughter.

“You deserved comfort food.” Alec said, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. 

That logic, Magnus couldn’t bring himself to disagree with.

“I hope that this means you’ll be spending the morning in bed with me helping me finish all of this.” Magnus said with a pointed look at the unacceptable amount of space that was currently between him and Alec, who was still standing near the side of the bed.

Magnus had no recollection of being brought to the bed; he just knew that he’d woken sometime during the night to Alec’s arms wrapped tightly around him, and he’d happily cuddled himself closer and fallen back to sleep almost immediately for how comfortable he’d been. In the back of his mind, a nasty little voice recalled that he hadn’t ever felt so comfortable sleeping in the same bed as  _ Camille _ . She didn’t like to cuddle, or to even be touched by him most of the time, and so they’d often slept on completely opposite ends of the bed with her back to him as though she couldn’t stand looking at him.

A look quite similar to the one she’d had when he’d proposed to her.

Alec, always intuitive, clambered into the bed just then, cutting off Magnus’ train of thought before it had really begun. Magnus twisted the fork that had paused mid-cutting a waffle in his fingertips. 

“Sorry.” He muttered.

“It’s okay, Magnus.” Alec said reassuringly, “Take all the time you need.”

Magnus tried to smile at him, but was sure he failed at conveying  _ I’m okay _ . Which was okay, he tried to remind himself. He clearly wasn’t okay, and he had no reason to hide how he felt from Alec. Alec, of all people, would always understand and give him the room he needed to feel whatever he felt, with no judgement. Perhaps that was why he’d told Alec he would be coming back last night, even though he hadn’t told anyone else.

Alec joined him in clearing away most of what he’d ordered for breakfast, taking on the task of filling the silence since he quickly realized Magnus wasn’t up for much talking just yet. He filled him in on all that had happened with their friends since he’d been gone.

Magnus’ phone ringing from the bedside table cut Alec off mid-sentence, and Magnus checked the caller I.D before pressing  _ deny _ . Asmodeus, his father, was the very last person Magnus wanted to talk to right then. Especially since he would most certainly be calling to talk about Camille, who’d probably finally realized Magnus had left and promptly called his father to complain about it.

Asmodeus had been thrilled about Magnus’ potential engagement. He’d always admired Camille and her family, always took her side, always claimed her as the  _ ‘daughter he’d always wanted’ _ .

_ Well _ , Magnus thought with a bitter stab at his plate,  _ They could have each other _ . Magnus’ engagement to Camille would mean Asmodeus could cement himself in the good graces of the Belcourt’s, something he’d always wanted. His father would undoubtedly find a way to place blame about the proposal not going the way he’d expected it to on Magnus. As though  _ Magnus _ was the reason for Camille being incapable of loving anything other than herself. 

“That reminds me.” Alec said, “Catarina called. She didn’t want me to wake you, so she left a message.”

Magnus spun around, trepidation sinking in at Alec’s apologetic smile.

“I would relay the entire message, but there was so much cursing involved I don’t think I’d get it quite right. I’ll leave her to tell you herself. Most of it was directed towards Camille, though.” Alec said, his tone making Magnus aware that whatever Catarina had said about Camille was not something he totally disagreed with.

“She is also mad at you for not telling her that you came back early.” Alec told him, worrying his bottom lip with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry. She figured it out, and I couldn’t lie to her.”

Magnus sighed. He’d known it was only a matter of time before Catarina found out, and deep down he knew that she had no ill-feelings towards him for any of this, but Magnus still felt that he would deserve it if she did. He was angry, and ashamed, and the more people knew about it was the more he would be made to confront those feelings.

“We didn’t… Magnus, we didn’t  _ want _ it to go the way it did.” Alec told him softly, “Even though- We may not have liked  _ her _ , but we didn’t want this for you.”

Magnus’ wrung his hands in front of him. He blinked furiously until the tears that were threatening to spill were gone, taking a deep breath and willing himself to calm down.

“I should call her.” He said once he trusted his voice again, “Catarina, I mean. She’s probably worried.”

Alec nodded, “Yeah. You should.”

Magnus climbed out of the bed and got his phone in his hand. Asmodeus had called twice more since he’d silenced it.

“Thank you for staying with me last night.” Magnus said, “For being here.”

Alec’s answering smile made Magnus feel just a little bit better, the way it always did.

“There’s no place I would’ve rather been.”

* * *

**_But the very next day, you gave it away_ **

**_ONE YEAR LATER_ **

“So,” Maryse said in a conversational tone that had both of her children exchanging suspicious glances with each other, “Do you have any plans this Christmas, Alec?” 

Izzy let out a breath of relief that she wouldn’t be the target of this particular inquisition, and Alec rolled his eyes, even though Maryse couldn’t see it as she pointedly focused her attention on the television in an attempt at casualty that Alec saw right through. He knew that look on his mothers face, and knew where this line of questioning would go should he choose to indulge it. Maryse Lightwood might have been one of the best prosecutors in the state, but she was not as subtle as she thought she was when it came to digging for information about the love lives of her children.

“No.” He said simply, “Nothing special, anyway.”

Which was true, but it was not what Maryse wanted to hear, going off of her slight frown at his response. 

Maryse said nothing immediately after, but Alec was already tense as he waited, knowing that more would inevitably follow. Izzy bit her lip to silence a laugh, reaching across the couch to pat Alec’s knee in a show of moral support. Alec redirected his attention to the TV. He would never admit it, but he often found himself way too engrossed in these Christmas themed rom-coms that his mother and sister were obsessed with. They probably already knew, given the way he always found himself joining them when they put them on despite his incessant grumbling about the clichés and repetitiveness, but they were nice enough not to mention it and let him save his pride. 

It was ten minutes until Maryse’s restraint gave in, and Alec had to take considerable effort to stifle his groan of annoyance.

“I have a friend.” She said.

_ " Mom -” _

“Her son, Andrew, recently came out as gay.” Maryse continued, ignoring Alec’s protests entirely.

“Oh?” Alec asked mirthfully, “Well then. I suppose that’s all I really need to know. When do we start planning the wedding?”

Maryse glared at him, and then at Izzy when she reached into the bowl of popcorn and, foregoing subtlety entirely, turned her body so she had a better view of the pair of them.

“I’m not going to date someone just because they’re gay, mom.” Alec said, choosing to ignore his sister.

“He seems like your type!” Maryse argued, and Alec wanted to point out that he highly doubted she actually knew what his  _ type _ was, given some of the other guys she had attempted to set him up with.

“Besides,” Alec continued, choosing to spare her confidence in her match making skills, “I just got out of a relationship.”

This was also true, and his mom very well knew it given how much she’d expressed her dissatisfaction about it. She’d liked Sebastian well enough, and hadn’t thought  _ ‘we just weren’t seeing anything long term’ _ to be a valid explanation as to why they had broken up.

_ Which _ , Alec thought,  _ was fair enough _ . Especially given that that part had been a lie. Kind of.

“I’m probably just spending time with Magnus.” Alec said. 

Izzy, who knew exactly why the break up between him and Sebastian had taken place since Alec had confessed it to her -in what he now considered one of the poorer decisions of his life- raised a curious brow.

_ “ Oh? _ _”_ She drawled. Alec threw her a withering look that she only giggled at. Maryse’s phone began to ring, and she frowned at it but reached for it anyway.

“I have to take this.” She said, standing and making her way out of the room. Alec was grateful to whoever it was on the other end for distracting her, even momentarily.

He picked up his own phone as she walked off. He’d silenced it as the movie had begun and forgotten to check it, and sure enough there were two messages from Magnus waiting for him, thankfully sent just a few minutes ago.

His heart gave a little jolt as it always did when he saw anything Magnus-related, but he ignored it and just opened the message. It was a picture of Magnus, sprawled out on his couch in a thick sweater, with the Chairman -his recently required kitten- resting comfortably with his tail across Magnus’ face.

**Magnus:** I hope your day’s going better than mine?

Alec was sure he was grinning like an idiot but didn’t care as he typed out his response.

**Alec:** My mom is trying to set me up on a date.

Magnus’ response was almost immediate.

**Magnus:** Another one? Didn’t she learn anything from the last one?

Alec shuddered at the reminder of  _ ‘the last one’ _ , a night he would rather bury deep in the darkest, most unlikely to resurface parts of his memory. 

**Alec:** Clearly not.

“ _ Alec _ .” Izzy called out his name. When Alec looked back up at her, she had exasperation written all over her face.

“You’re talking to him, aren’t you?” She asked with a slight shake of her head, “Don’t even bother trying to deny it. You have the love-sick look you get whenever you’re talking to him.”

Alec scowled, “I don’t have  _ a love-sick look _ . I-”

His train of thought cut off as his phone vibrated in his hand, Magnus’ name popping up on the screen with another text.

Izzy groaned loudly.

Alec said nothing. 

He knew what Izzy thought, but Magnus wasn’t interested in him like that. 

**Magnus:** So?

**Alec:** So what?

**Magnus:** Are you going to give the guy a chance?

Alec stared at the question, his mind taking him back to two months ago, when Sebastian had broken up with him.

_ “You’re clearly in love with Magnus, Alec.” _

And Alec had stood there, guilt ridden but unable to deny it.

_ “Look. I don’t want to tell you what to do. But maybe… maybe you should tell him. Instead of trying to, I don’t know, date those feelings away with guys you aren’t even interested in?” _

Izzy had gone back to watching the movie, and Maryse came back into the room with an apology and an explanation of dealing with a particularly difficult client. 

Alec sighed. Even if, by some stretch of his imagination, he could convince himself that Magnus  _ did _ want to be with him, what was Alec supposed to do? How was he supposed to contest with the memory of Camille that Magnus clung so desperately to? 

**Alec:** Yeah. I just might. 

Magnus didn’t respond for a long moment, during which Alec is sure he doesn’t take a single breath, his mind spinning up wild scenarios of Magnus telling that he shouldn’t, actually, go out with Andrew, but with  _ him _ instead.

But when Magnus’ next message came in, it made Alec’s heart sink even as he’d known the likelihood of what he’d hoped would happen was close to nonexistent.

**Magnus:** You’re still coming with me to the party tomorrow, right?

“Mom?” Alec said out loud. 

Maryse looked at him with a small hum of acknowledgement.

“I think I will take Andrew’s number.” He said, pushing aside the small voice at the back of his head that told him he was making yet another mistake. Maryse’s face lit up, and Alec ignored the way Izzy snapped her head in his direction to glare at him with furious incredulity.

“That’s wonderful, Alec!” Maryse said cheerfully, already scrolling through her phone to get it. Alec returned her enthusiasm with a weak, half smile of his own, and then glanced back down at his screen.

**Alec:** I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

* * *

Andrew Underhill was good looking. Alec recognized him from a picture Maryse had shown him before he’d left, and waved at the man as he entered the bar he’d invited him to for a couple of drinks. He hadn’t told Maryse where he was going after he’d left the house, and he certainly hadn’t told Izzy. He was more than content to just let her think he was going back to his place, or even to Magnus’, than to deal with another lecture from her if she found out he was actually going out on a date with Andrew.

“Hey.” Andrew said, stretching out a hand in greeting. Alec took it. Andrew had a warm smile, nice blonde curls and intense eyes that looked very pleased to see Alec. They fell into easy enough conversation over a couple rounds of drinks, Alec trying to be as attentive as possible. Andrew was nice, that much he was sure of, and very grateful for. His mother did not have a good track record of setting him up with guys Alec found nice let alone tolerable, but he could see why she had tried with Andrew. He perhaps would have already been envisioning another date with the man, had it not been for the way his phone, placed on the table in front of them, kept stealing his attention every few minutes as he waited for a message, or anything really, from Magnus to come in.

“Are you expecting a call?” Andrew finally asked him. 

“Um…” Alec glanced at his phone again, “No.”

He slid the phone off of the table and into his pocket, “No, sorry. It’s just…”

He trailed off. He wasn’t sure his date would appreciate it very much if Alec were to say that he was hoping for a call from another man.

“No.” He said again. Andrew frowned, his brows pulled down, and Alec suddenly felt very restless.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” He blurted out, surprising even himself. 

Andrew blinked, and Alec blushed furiously. He was about to excuse himself and take it back when Andrew said, “Sure.”

They were standing, Alec grabbing his coat off the back of the chair.

“My place or yours?” Andrew asked.

“Mines not far from here.” Alec said, “We can walk.” 

He ignored the weight of his phone in his pocket, chastising himself for how pathetic it was of him to be waiting around for someone who  _ didn’t _ want him when he had someone who  _ did  _ right in front of him. 

Andrew nodded, “Great.”

Alec led the way, trying his best to push all thoughts of Magnus away.

* * *

When he woke the next morning, Andrew lay awake next to him. Alec startled only momentarily, before the memories of their activities filtered into his brain. He yawned, mustering up a smile that Andrew returned.

He reaches a hand out to tangle his fingers in Alec’s, and Alec squeezes gently in reciprocation, “Hey yourself.” 

“How long have you been awake?” Alec asked. He craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the clock besides his bed. It was just a little after eight, which wasn’t ridiculously late given he had nothing much to do aside from the party with Magnus later tonight.

“Not very.” Andrew said, “I considered waking you, but I wasn’t really sure how awkward it would be, and it felt worse to just, you know…  _ leave _ .”

“What? Why would it be awkward?”

“Sex on the first date is not usually my style.”

Alec flushed at the reminder of his less than tactful proposition, “Yeah. Mine neither, actually. Contrary to what happened last night. Why’d you agree?”

Andrew shrugged, considering, and then said simply, “I like you.”

And… that should have made Alec feel much better than it did. As it was, all that he did feel was empty. Hollow.  _ Wrong _ . Andrew didn’t deserve to say ‘I like you’ to someone and have their only response be a desire to hear those words from someone else.

Andrew’s smile faltered a little at Alec’s lack of a verbal response.

“Unless… do you-?”

“No! I mean, yes. I like you.” Alec said quickly, and it was true. He did like Andrew. He just needed… he needed  _ time _ , “I’m just. I’m sorry I’m being really distant. I promise I’m not always like this.”

For a long moment, Andrew said nothing. It was long enough that Alec started to think that maybe he’d managed to ruin this before it had even really started, and for Sebastian’s words to once again taunt him. But then Andrew’s smile was returning, that warm gaze running over Alec.

“I’d love to see you again.”

Alec forced himself to relax, “So would I.”

“How about lunch? I know the perfect place.”

“Sounds great.” Alec said, “Tomorrow?”

This was good for him. He wanted this for himself. He owed it to himself to at least try. He would go to this party with Magnus tonight, be the friend that Magnus wanted him to be, and then tomorrow he would have a nice lunch date with Andrew. 

He was even looking forward to it.

“Tomorrow is Perfect.” Andrew said.

* * *

“Magnus.” 

Magnus spun around at the sound of his fathers voice. Asmodeus stood behind him, a walking stick in one hand that Magnus wasn’t sure was a necessity or just for aesthetic- his father spoke to him about the personal details of his life so rarely.

“Father.” He replied, trying to keep his tone cordial even though it was far from what he felt.

“I wasn’t aware that you’d invited Mr. Lightwood.” Asmodeus said with thinly veiled irritation. 

Magnus withheld a sigh. Only barely.

“I did.” He replied, but offered nothing else. Asmodeus’ hand on his walking stick tightened fractionally.

“I was actually hoping that you would use tonight to speak with Camille.” He said.

Magnus, though he tried not to, tensed at the sound of her name. He had known she would be here tonight, of course. It was part of the reason he had invited Alec in the first place- to help keep him steady while he was surrounded by people he despised. 

“Camille’s here?” Magnus asked, as nonchalant as he could manage. He would not give either Asmodeus nor Camille - _ especially not Camille _ \- the satisfaction of thinking he cared. 

Which he didn’t, he told himself with a bitter taste in his mouth. 

Of course he didn’t care. Why  _ would _ he? 

Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop himself from glancing around the room in an attempt to locate her. Was she here yet? His eyes searched almost as though he expected her to materialize in front of him. He hadn’t really seen her since last year, with her spending so little time in New York after taking over at the London branch of her parent’s company just a week after she’d returned from her and Magnus’ vacation. Magnus felt it suited them; Camille got a promotion last Christmas, and he got a broken heart.

He hated himself for it, but he had spent much of the last year in what had felt like a perpetual state of waiting for her to come back; knowing she eventually would, and that no matter what he did, he would be entirely unprepared for it. 

When he looked back at Asmodeus, his lips were pressed thin. He looked like there was a lot he wanted to say to Magnus, but was avoiding doing so only for the fact that they were in a crowded room and he didn’t want to cause a scene.

“She is. She returned for the holidays, as I mentioned during our last phone call. I had thought the two of you would use the time to… reacquaint yourselves.”

Magnus ground his teeth together, gathering all the patience he had in his body to not snap at his father. 

“Right.” He said, “I supposed I’d forgotten.”

Asmodeus made a low, contemptuous sound and took a few steps forward, closing much of the distance between himself and his son. 

“Magnus, Camille is willing to give you another chance. You will see to it that it goes well, this time around.” Asmodeus said, the underlying threat in his words clear. 

Magnus stared at him. Of course, Asmodeus knew very well what had transpired between him and Camille, but he’d made it perfectly clear that this was no excuse for Magnus to completely abandon the possibility of what he saw as a very profitable marriage. At least, one that was profitable to  _ him _ . The only thing Asmodeus had ever really cared for was himself.

“You make it sound almost like the break up had been  _ my _ fault-”

“Was it not?” Asmodeus asked, his eyes narrowing, “From what Camille told me-”   


“ _ Told you? _ So you’re… what? Conspiring with her behind my back, now?”

“ _ Keep your voice down. _ ” Asmodeus hissed. Magnus’ frustration was flaring up, as it always did when it came to interacting with his father for any length of time. Asmodeus had a way of bringing out the worst in him.

“I don’t understand why you can’t do this  _ one thing _ for me.” Asmodeus said, “Are you that selfish?”

“ _ Selfish _ -?”

“Magnus.” 

_ Alexander. _ Magnus turned, relief coursing through him as the sound of that voice. Sure enough, Alec stood behind him, regarding the scene in front of him cautiously. Magnus wanted to run to him and throw his arms around him, but he knew his father would find a way to smite them both down if he dared, so he held his ground.

“You okay?” Alec asked, disregarding Asmodeus entirely. He didn’t even so much as look at the man. Magnus loved him.

He nodded stiffly and, turning on his heels, made his way over to Alec.

“Yes.” He said, “Come on. If you’ll excuse us, Father.”

He didn’t wait for Asmodeus’ reply, simply took Alec’s hand and led him across the room to one of the other vacant spots. Magnus could feel Asmodeus’ seething glare on their backs as they walked away, but he did not follow them. Which was to be expected, if Magnus knew his father at all. He’d given his orders and had never found need to speak to Magnus much outside of those.

“What was that all about?” Alec asked once they were settled. He reached over as a waiter passed them by and grabbed two glasses of champagne, passing one to Magnus, which he accepted gratefully. 

“Nothing.” Magnus said, “Just… Asmodeus being himself. How has your week been?”

He could see from Alec’s face that he was not satisfied with this answer, but he thankfully didn’t push the topic. Alec launched into a description of the guy that Maryse had set him up with -an upgrade from her last attempt, certainly- but he noticed the way that Alec seemed somewhat unenthusiastic about him, and so Magnus was immediately predisposed to dislike him-  _ Andrew _ , Alec had said his name was. But then again, Magnus rarely liked Alec’s boyfriends, as brief as each relationship was. Magnus thought, quite frankly, that Alec could do much better than most of them. He didn’t understand why Alec seemed to have such bad luck when it came to relationships, he was easily one of the most amazing people that Magnus knew. And as beautiful as he was, Magnus imagined that there should be guys lining up for just a chance with Alec.

He was about to say as much, opening his mouth with the words on his tongue, but it died instantly as his eyes caught a sight that had him freezing up all over again, feeling as though a bucket of ice had been dunked over his body.

Camille stood off to the side of the room. It was the first time he had seen her in person since last year, and it was as though all of his emotions surrounding her -especially the ones he had tried desperately to bury in whatever one of his vices was most accessible at the time- came rushing back to the forefront. It was as though he was once again right back in that villa; the one where she’d pushed his ring back at him and stalked away. The one where he’d left to go for a walk, thinking she just needed some time as he’d probably caught her off guard, and came back to find her underneath the man that had been their waiter earlier in the evening.

“...Magnus.” Alec was saying, clearly trying to get his attention. But Magnus’ mind was spinning, unable to form a coherent thought let alone the words to assure Alec that he was okay. He felt a hand at the crook of his arm, but unlike the other times where just Alec’s presence was enough, this did nothing to steady him.

Camille was looking directly at him now, and once she caught sight of him looking at  _ her _ , she smirked- a slow, taunting, cocky smirk. One that was all too familiar, and immediately had a red hot rage coursing through Magnus’ veins. He hated her so much.

And somewhere deep into that hate was the memories of the way he had loved her.

It only made him angrier. Angry at himself. To know that she could toy so cruelly with his heart and still have such a hold on him. 

And perhaps that anger is what drove him, because later Magnus would have no real explanation for what else could have done it. The thought had only the briefest second to enter his mind before Magnus was acting on it. He turned to face Alec, who was still standing next to him and looking between Magnus and Camille. Magnus brought a hand up to rest on the nape of Alec’s neck, and pulled his head down enough to crash their lips together.

Alec’s shock was evident. But he was  _ Alec _ . Understanding Alec. And it didn’t take him long to start kissing Magnus  _ back _ , even if he clearly had no idea what was actually going on. Magnus felt hands at his waist, pulling him in closer until his body was pressed against Alec’s. He brushed the short, silky soft hairs at the back of Alec’s head, wanting to run his hand through the rest of it but conscious of the fact that they were in the middle of a crowded room. 

The kiss couldn’t have lasted longer than maybe ten seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. It felt like something inside of Magnus ignited at this particular touch from Alec. One he had never had the pleasure of enjoying before. It felt like Magnus never wanted to  _ stop _ . 

But eventually his brain caught up to him, and he broke the kiss, pulling away. Alec’s eyes fluttered open, his lips parted. He was breathing heavily; they both were, and there was something in his eyes -under the confusion as to what exactly had just taken place- that Magnus couldn’t quite place. 

Magnus was suddenly filled with bitter regret.

He disentangled Alec’s hands from his waist, stepping back and unable to stop himself from casting a glance to where Camille was standing, frozen to the spot, a champagne flute clutched tightly in her hands. Magnus knew he had gotten to her, if only just a little bit. Whatever she had been expecting, it hadn’t been that, and it had thrown her off her guard enough to leave a sense of satisfaction in him that Magnus immediately berated himself for.

She blinked rapidly and turned on her heels, stalking off into the crowd. Magnus’ eyes followed her until they couldn’t anymore. And then he was left to look at Alec.

Alec’s gaze was still on the spot that Camille had just vacated, and Magnus could see the understanding dawn on him as he looked. Magnus wanted to curl in on himself and scream. Instead, he took a step back from Alec, immediately pulling Alec’s attention back to him. As Alec reached for him, Magnus shook his head.

“I- I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

God, he was a fucking terrible person.

He turned and walked away as quickly as he could, suddenly needing to be as far away from there as possible.

* * *

_**So this year, to save me from tears** _

Alec stood frozen to the spot. Tentatively, he brought a hand up to his lips, where he could still feel the lingering movement of Magnus’ against it. His breath caught as he looked after Magnus running away from him, his head spinning as he tried in vain to ground himself. 

What the fuck had just happened?

Camille was gone, and something ugly reared its head at the back of Alec’s mind, knowing perfectly well that Magnus’ kiss had been nothing more than a spur of the moment attempt to… what? Let Camille know that Magnus had moved on? He clearly hadn’t, which Alec had _ known _ , but the reminder -this particular method of a reminder- hurt more than he could have expected it to. 

But that wasn’t important right now. 

“Magnus!” Alec called, but he was too far away at that point to hear him. Alec scrambled after him, aware of the nasty looks he was getting but ignoring them. Magnus was much more important than a bunch of stuffy old people.

He pushed through the front doors, tugging his coat on over his shoulders as he went, and found Magnus in front of the building holding his arms around himself.

“Magnus-”

Magnus spun around as Alec approached him, his eyes wide and desolate, glistening with tears he stubbornly held back.

“Magnus, I-”

“Alexander, I’m so sorry.” Magnus said hoarsely, “I didn’t… I shouldn’t have done-”

“What  _ was _ that?” Alec demanded, more forceful than he had intended. Magnus blinked rapidly, recoiling in surprise at the harshness of Alec’s tone, so unfamiliar to him, and shoved his hands into his pocket. Alec had to fight off his urge to go to him and wrap him in his arms.

“I don’t know.” Magnus admitted in a low voice, barely above a whisper, “I don’t know. I just… I panicked. And I… Alec, I’m  _ sorry _ .”

Alec wasn’t angry. Or he didn’t think he was angry. Anger was a foreign emotion for him when it came to Magnus, but he didn’t trust his own voice right then, or the words that would come out if he opened it, so he stayed quiet. Both of them staring at each other through an awkward, painful silence. 

And then it got worse.

“Magnus?” A sickly sweet voice called from behind them. Alec knew, before he even turned, exactly who he was about to find. But it still sent a shiver down his spine when he saw Camille Belcourt standing behind them.

Alec hated that she was beautiful. With her thick blonde curls and delicate frame, she did not look like the master of manipulation that she truly was; that Alec knew her to be. He could almost understand, as she approached them with wide green eyes that slid right past him and sought out Magnus, why Magnus was so taken with her. 

“I’ve been looking for you.”

Alec could feel the chill crackling in the air between them. He suddenly felt very out of place, standing as he was, in the middle of what was sure not to be a very pretty event.

“Have you now?” Magnus asked icily. Alec hoped Camille wouldn’t hear it -the way that Magnus’ voice trembled just a tiny bit as he tried to remain stoic- but from the way the side of her lips curled up in an almost imperceptible, satisfied smile, she absolutely did. Alec wanted to strangle her.

Not only did she know exactly what she did to Magnus, she reveled in it. Always had.

“Magnus, we should go.” Alec said, turning to him and blocking out Camille’s view of him with his body. He held out a hand, but Magnus did not take it. He most likely did not even see it. His eyes looked right past Alec as though he wasn’t even there, and Alec very much wished that he wasn’t. He wished that he and Magnus were back in either one of their apartments, curled up together on the couch under heavy blankets watching terrible hallmark movies.

“Magnus.” He urged again, pleading.

“Magnus, will you tell your…  _ boy toy _ , that the two of us need a moment,  _ alone _ ?” Camille asked with a disdainful look for Alec. Alec glared right back at her.

“I’m not leaving you.” Alec told Magnus, “I’m not leaving you alone with  _ her _ .”

Camille rolled her eyes, seeming only mildly bothered by Alec’s insistence, but not nearly enough to push the issue. It made Alec feel even smaller than he would’ve if she  _ had _ , and he knew that that was exactly what she’d wanted.

“What do you  _ want _ , Camille?” Magnus asked.

“Only to see you.” Camille responded, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

Magnus bristled, “I imagined that that was what you wanted. After last year.”

Camille rolled her eyes, “ _ Magnus _ . Must you drag up the past?” 

Alec  _ really _ wanted to strangle her.

“I mean,” Camille continued, slinking closer, “We had fun times together, didn’t we? Much better than you could have possibly had with…  _ him _ .”

“Leave Alexander alone, Camille.” Magnus sighed, sounding tired, “He’s more wanted here than you are.”

“I know you still want me, Magnus.” Camille said, “You will always want me. Your current boyfriend will never be able to replace what you and I had. What we  _ still _ have.” 

Alec stilled, and next to him he felt Magnus do the same.

_ Boyfriend. _

Your current  _ boyfriend. _

Had Magnus’ show worked, then? Did Camille really think that he and Magnus were-

_ Boyfriend. _

Magnus seemed to be at a loss for words, same as Alec. And so with just a brief hesitation, Alec took his cue and acted on behalf of them both. He slipped his arm around Magnus’ waist, pulling him closer, both of them facing Camille, who scowled at the display.

“You and Magnus have nothing,” Alec said to her, thinking that if he said it out loud enough times it may somehow become true, “Not anymore.”

Magnus had relaxed somewhat, but Alec could still feel the tension in his body as he said, “Goodbye, Camille.” 

Camille shook her head, “This isn’t good-bye. You’ll see. You always come back to me.”

And then she was gone, before either of them could get another word in. Alec watched her go, the door sliding shut behind her. Which was good, but left him -both of them- with a new problem.

One neither of them had probably given sufficient thought to.

He released Magnus just as Elias rolled up to them in the car, and Magnus turned towards Alec, his expression still closed off.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He said

Alec gave him a small smile, “Didn’t I? What was the other option? Letting her know that the kiss had been fake?”

Magnus bit his lip and looked down at his feet, “Maybe? I don’t… Alec, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You don’t need to protect me.”

Alec wanted to argue; he  _ wanted _ to protect Magnus. Especially from the likes of Camille.

“I know.” He said, “But… I mean, she’s only here for a week.” 

Magnus stared at him as though he couldn’t comprehend what Alec was suggesting, and Alec understood that entirely. He didn’t think he himself fully comprehended it. He was just talking, and not giving himself any time to actually think about it, because he knew that if he did he would immediately back out.

“We could just, you know, pretend. To be…  _ boyfriends _ .” Alec said the word slowly, testing it out, and liking it way too much given the situation, “She doesn’t have to know.”

“...Alexander.” 

“Magnus, this is- It’s  _ us _ .” Alec said, “It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’ll just be… we’ll just be pretending.”

Magnus hesitated, but said slowly after a pause, “And it’ll just be for a few days.” 

“A few days.” Alec confirmed.  _ What was he doing? Fuck, what was he doing? _

“I-” Magnus glanced behind them to the door Camille had just walked through, and then back at Alec, “...If you’re sure.”

Alec nodded.

“I am.” He confirmed, and ignored every part of him that was anything but sure.

* * *

“You’re an idiot.” Izzy told him later that night as Alec ate dinner by himself in his apartment. 

“Iz-”

“What the  _ fuck _ , Alec.”

“I called you for moral support.” Alec reminded her, “You weren’t supposed to yell at me.”

“You deserve to be yelled at.” Izzy said, “Actually, you deserve worse. What were you even thinking?”

Alec sighed and dug his fork into his pasta, “I was thinking that I’m helping out a friend who needs me.”

“A friend you happen to be in love with.”

Alec’s face heated up at the reminder, “Izzy-”

“And you’re helping him by pretending to be his boyfriend? For a week?”

“Not an entire week.” Alec argued, as though that would make it better, “It’s really only one more event. Asmodeus’ annual dinner thing, that Camille will be attending.”

Izzy was silent, as if giving Alec the time he needed to fully grasp how stupid he, and his plan, all sounded. Not that Alec needed any time for that. He was perfectly well aware and had been since Magnus had dropped him off earlier. Magnus had asked him to stay the night at his place instead, and for probably the first time since they’d known each other, Alec had declined. Not even because he’d wanted to be apart -because he never wanted to be apart from Magnus- but because he really needed the time to think this all through.

He couldn’t go back on his word now, though, he thought as he stabbed bitterly at his dinner. He’d  _ promised _ Magnus. He’d already committed to it, and Magnus was counting on him.

“I’ll figure it out.” Alec said to Isabelle, “And stop worrying. I’ll be fine.” 

There was a long moment of silence before Izzy asked, “Will your heart be?”

_ No _ , Alec thought,  _ no it most certainly wouldn’t _ .

* * *

Magnus had been ready to practically peel his own skin off since he dropped Alec off at his apartment last night. Alec had never before declined an invitation to stay the night at Magnus’ place, and while Magnus certainly didn’t begrudge him a desire for some personal space, particularly after the night they had had, he couldn’t help but feel like Alec didn’t so much need space as he needed to be away from _ Magnus _ .

_ Not that there was a problem with that, of course _ , Magnus reminded himself.  _ Even best friends sometimes need space. _ He was just overthinking things.

Still, he found himself awake early and doing some last minute cleaning that he’d previously neglected, inspired by Alec’s text that he would be stopping by that morning with breakfast. He declined all of the calls from his father before he finally switched his phone off entirely. 

Magnus ended up finishing everything he’d had to do way faster than he’d anticipated, leaving him with nothing left to distract himself besides pacing the floor of his living area, in front of the door, waiting until Alec arrived. 

And when he did, Magnus absolutely did _ not _ run to the door, flinging it open with a bit too much energy going off of the startled look on Alec’s face that he received. 

“Hello Alexander!” 

Alec recovered his shock fairly quickly, and returned Magnus’ enthusiasm with a lopsided grin, accompanied by a quick hug that Magnus immediately lengthened. Alec gave the best hugs, but he never prolonged them unless he was made to. Alec muffled a laugh in the hair at the top of Magnus’ head and Magnus rebuffed him with a light tap to his shoulders.

“Good morning to you too.” Alec said when Magnus finally let him go. Magnus shut the door behind them as Alec came in, and noted the box of donuts and coffee tray that Alec was holding with a pleased hum.

“You always know exactly what I need, Alexander.” Magnus said.

They settled on the balcony, sitting on one of the plush couches overlooking the city with the coffee and donuts between them. They fell into easy, simple conversation that almost made Magnus’ residual nerves from the night before fade away entirely. But he knew that he couldn’t put the impending  _ talk _ off forever; not with the dinner he and Alec would have to attend at his fathers house the very next day. He knew that Camille would certainly be there, along with her parents, which meant that Asmodeus was positively livid right at that moment for the fact of Magnus’ supposed relationship with someone that wasn’t Camille.

As they finished their breakfast, Alec was left with a speck of powdered sugar at the side of his lips. Without thinking, Magnus reached up with his thumb to swipe it away. He paused mid-action, as his brain caught up with the movement, meeting Alec’s gaze. Magnus yanked his hand away hastily, bright red color rising in Alec’s cheek.

“I-” 

“It’s fine.” Alec cut off Magnus’ apology with a wave of his hand. He took a napkin up from the table and wiped his own mouth clean, “I mean we do stuff like this all the time.”

“I know.” Magnus said. It just felt different. _ It was different. _

“I don’t want things to change between us, Magnus.” Alec said.

Magnus sighed. So this was happening now, then.

“Neither do I, Alec.” He said, “But this-”

“ _ This _ is just a dinner we have to go to together.” Alec said, “We were probably gonna end up going together anyway. It doesn’t mean anything just because we have to… act a bit more intimate with each other.”

He saw the way Alec flinched slightly at the words, as though he didn’t believe what he was saying either. 

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured.” Magnus insisted, “You really don’t need to do this. I know I kind of pushed you-”

“Magnus.” Alec interrupted, “I held you, remember? I made that decision, to let Camille continue thinking that we were together. I could have just walked away.”

Sure he  _ could _ have, Magnus thought, but they both knew that he would never have actually done that. Not if it meant Magnus being hurt if he had. 

“I do think we should establish some ground rules.” Magnus said instead. Alec was right, this wouldn’t change anything between them. And if Alec was as okay with doing this as he appeared to be, then why shouldn’t Magnus agree? After all, it was the perfect solution to his problems.

“Yeah.” Alec agreed, “Ground rules are good. Like… Should we… Will we be kissing again?”

Alec stiffened even as he himself asked the question, slightly enough that someone who was not so in tune with his reactions as Magnus was might have missed it. 

“We should.” Magnus said slowly, “To make it more believable. I mean, what couple doesn’t kiss?”

_ Fake couples, probably. _

Magnus nodded in agreement and averted his eyes to an imaginary piece of lint on the leg of his lounge pants.

Kisses wouldn’t mean anything either, the same as the rest of this act. It was all pretend. And at the end of it, he would finally have what he wanted. Camille would go back to London, and Asmodeus would finally leave him alone, and he and Alec could go back to more comfortable, familiar  _ best friend _ territory.

So then why wasn’t he happy about it?

* * *

The house where Magnus grew up was filled with very few good memories. After his mother had died and left behind the only thing she’d ever called her own in the world, her only son, his father had not wasted any time before swooping in and claiming him as well, as he had done every other part of her. And just like he had done to the rest of his mother, Asmodeus had left Magnus broken.

Sometimes, Magnus wondered if he was  _ too _ broken. Asmodeus certainly felt that he was, though he was hardly the type to acknowledge the role that he himself had played in Magnus becoming that way. It was why he pushed so hard to orchestrate every aspect of Magnus’ life. Maybe Magnus  _ was _ too broken…  _ too much _ , as Camille had told him, and somehow not enough all at the same time, as Asmodeus loved to remind him.

But then there was Alec. Alec, who looked at him the way he did as they walked, hand in hand, towards the front doors of the house Magnus grew up in. The house that always seemed to bring out the very worst in him, dredging up those memories of a horrible childhood masked by fake smiles and polite conversation so people never saw the realities of what went on behind closed doors. Magnus hated this house. There were times when he was sure he hated his father. But Alec, the way that Alec looked at him, with all the reassurance and adoration in the world, was enough to make even this place seem a little better.

“You ready?” Alec asked with a smile as he snagged two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter.

Their fingertips brushed as Alec handed one to Magnus, and Magnus inhaled sharply at the jolt that seemed to pass through him as they did. He masked his reaction in a cough, turning away to hide the flush that had colored his cheeks.  _ Nerves _ , he told himself. He was just nervous.

A middle-aged couple that Magnus recognized but couldn’t place passed by them with a courteous nod. Magnus returned it, basking in the way that Alec reached down to take his free hand in his own.

“I’m ready.” Magnus said in response to Alec’s earlier question.

Camille was already there, unsurprisingly, standing with her parents as they spoke to Asmodeus. Magnus held off any reactions he would have had to the scene as Asmodeus glanced over at them, his eyes narrowing at the sight of him and Alec in such close proximity but waving them over nonetheless. 

“Magnus!” Camille exclaimed with a predatory smile as they approached, “I’m so glad to see you.”

Magnus barely flicked his gaze to her in acknowledgement, instead pulling Alec closer and tightening his grip on him. Asmodeus watched them with barely concealed fury that Magnus was only too happy to also ignore.

“Magnus.” His father said in greeting, pointedly refusing to directly acknowledge Alec standing next to him, “Introduce the Belcourt’s to your…  _ friend. _ ”

Magnus heard the warning in his words and gritted his teeth, refusing to cower to his father’s demands, even as he felt Alec tense besides him. 

Mr. and Mrs. Belcourt regarded them curiously as Camille fumed silently next to them. She never did do well with being ignored.

“This is Alexander.” Magnus said, “My  _ boyfriend _ .”

“Your father failed to mention that you were in a relationship, Magnus.” Mr. Belcourt noted with an inquiring glance at Asmodeus. Asmodeus acted as though he did not see it, and instead opened his mouth to make some remark that was instantly cut off by Magnus.

“This is all very new.” He said, “We haven’t been together very long.”   
“Only a few months.” Alec added. He shifted slightly to press a chaste kiss to Magnus’ lips, and Magnus had to consciously try not to think too much of it, or, even more confusingly, immediately want more.

“ _ Impressive _ ,” Camille said, though her tone indicated she felt it was anything but, “For you, of course, Magnus. Your relationships so rarely last, dear. Unless they’re with me. How long have we been together?”

“We  _ aren’t _ together, Camille.” Magnus reminded her, speaking slowly, as though he were saying it to a child, delighting in the way her lips curled in annoyance as he continued, “And as you can see, I’ve more than moved on. I’d urge you to do the same, but I understand that can be a bit difficult if you’re a conceited, conniving bitch such as yourself. Very few people are willing to put up with it. I don’t know how I did for so long.”

The reactions were immaculate.

Camille’s eyes widened as she gasped, the hand around her glass a death grip so tight Magnus was surprised it didn’t shatter. Mr. and Mrs. Belcourt stood frozen with identical looks of horror- clearly unaccustomed to anyone daring to speak the way Magnus just had in their presence.

Asmodeus looked as though the ground had fallen out from underneath him, his eyes almost comically wide. For all that Magnus might have said these things to him in private, he had never dared say do it in public. Especially not here, to the Belcourt’s themselves. 

“ _ Magnus- _ ”

“I think that Alexander and I will go mingle with the other guests.” Magnus cut him off. He felt very self satisfied, and it only increased when Alec’s own shock gave way to a silent fit of laughter that shook his entire body for all he tried to rein it in.

“ _ Magnus-! _ ” 

Magnus turned on his heels and, tugging at a still laughing Alec behind him, they disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

Later that night, Alec collapsed onto Magnus’ couch with a relieved exhale that sounded as though he had not let himself really breathe all night. Magnus could relate. Alec loosened the tie around his neck, observing in silence as Magnus kicked off his shoes and crossed the room to the bar, pouring both himself and Alec a drink.

“To success.” Magnus toasted as he sunk gracefully into the couch himself. He clicked his glass to Alec’s. 

“I enjoyed tonight.” Alec said with a smile and a small sip of his drink, “But I enjoy any time I spend with you, so that’s unsurprising.” 

Magnus had to look away so that Alec wouldn’t see his reaction to that. Suddenly incredibly embarrassed by himself. Why was he so affected by Alec complimenting him all of a sudden? It’s not as though this were a recent thing. Alec had always complimented him. And Magnus had always been able to respond with far more than a blush and a stammered out  _ ‘I feel the same, Alexander’ _ the way he just had.

Magnus blamed this whole fake relationship thing. He could still feel the ghost of Alec’s touch, in all the places his hands had been throughout the night. It had blurred the lines between what was them just being themselves, as they had always been, best friends who happened to be quite physically intimate, and what was  _ more _ . 

_ Or what they pretended was more _ , Magnus hastily reminded himself. He felt unsettled, now that it was all over. Camille would be leaving for X in a few days, and who knew when Magnus would ever have to see her again? From the way she hadn’t said a word to him all night, Magnus imagined it would be a very long time. Perhaps not until  _ next _ Christmas.

And Asmodeus…

He could not avoid Asmodeus forever. But if Magnus himself rarely saw his father outside of the holidays, then how often would Alec have to see him? 

This was over. There would be no more pretend relationships. Their plan had worked. Magnus should be  _ happy _ .

But he looked at Alec, sitting across from him on his couch, and Magnus couldn’t help but feel that something was  _ wrong _ . He was sure that it would all work out. They just needed time to settle themselves again. 

Alec’s phone rang, startling Magnus out of his thoughts. He watched with a raised brow as Alec cut the call and switched the device off without even looking at it.

“Not gonna get that?”

“I much prefer talking to you.” Alec said, “And anyway, it’s probably my mom calling to remind me about tomorrow.”

“Oh, right.” Magnus remembered. He’d been so caught up in his own problems that he’d completely forgotten about Maryse’s party.

“Did you forget?” Alec teased.

“Don’t blame me.” Magnus defended, “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

Alec hummed, “You have.”

“But it’s all over now.” Magnus added as an afterthought, almost to himself. Alec glanced down at his drink and said nothing. He looked almost… sad, and Magnus once again worried that this had been the wrong move, and that Alec had secretly hated every moment of it, and would now hate  _ him _ for making him do it.

He was about to voice his concerns when Alec was suddenly standing, his now empty glass discarded onto the table.

“I should get going.” He said, “It’s late.”   
Magnus hurried to his feet, “I thought that you would stay…?”

He let the offer trail off, not wanting to make Alec feel any more…  _ boxed in. _

Alec hesitated for the briefest of seconds, but it was long enough to make Magnus’ fears rise up to the forefront of his mind once again. 

“I’d like that.” Alec said, finally. Magnus released the breath he’d been holding. They’d done this before, he reminded himself. Countless times. They’d slept on the same bed together before. This was no different. 

And yet, as he and Alec made their way to his room to begin getting ready for bed, Magnus couldn’t help but admit to himself that it felt different. The energy in the room was different. There was unfamiliar tension crackling in the room as they shed the layers of clothing they’d been wearing. The way that Alec avoided looking Magnus’ way was different. 

Magnus worried that he’d managed to break  _ them _ , and the thought was almost unbearable to him.

When they settled on the bed, there was a gap of space between them that felt the worst out of anything else. 

The silence hung around them for what felt like an eternity.

And then Alec was saying, a quiet almost inaudible whisper into the darkness, “Magnus?”

Magnus looked at him.

“Are we… are we okay?” 

Magnus swallowed heavily, “Yeah. Of course we are.”

* * *

Maryse's party went by in a blur, and Alec almost caught himself regretting having Magnus accompany him at all. The tension between them was unbearable, and he was sure that Magnus felt it too. At some point, Magnus excused himself for the bathroom and as Alec meandered around the room making small talk with the people from his mom’s firm and waiting for Magnus to finish up, Izzy came over to him, looking as though she’d been waiting for this opportunity to catch him alone all night.

“Don’t.” Alec warned before she’d even gotten a chance to begin.

Izzy, being Izzy, ignored him, “So is your little thing with Magnus over then?”

Alec rolled his eyes, “It was just for a couple of days, like I told you. And see, I’m still alive.” 

He didn’t feel like it, sure, but he was alive. 

“You don’t look like it.” Izzy, the too observant for her own good little gremlin that she was said with a frown.

“I’m  _ fine _ , Iz. And look, Magnus is, too.” Alec waved a hand in the direction Magnus had gone off to, in a desperate attempt to prove that everything was actually okay, even though it felt like everything was actually falling apart.

“You look like you barely slept.” Izzy accused, “Where were you last night?”

“At Magnus’” Alec said, rubbing a hand over his face. He glanced around the room, just so he wouldn’t have to look at Izzy.

“I’m worried about you, Alec.” Isabelle said gently. She reached out to touch Alec’s hand, “I told you that you shouldn’t have done this.”

Alec stared at her, feeling helpless. And then back at Magnus.

How had he gotten here?

“Just… be careful, okay?” Izzy requested. She squeezed Alec’s hand and then walked away. Alec watched her go. 

He was drowning. He shouldn’t have stayed at Magnus’ last night, and he certainly shouldn’t have agreed to that stupid fucking plan. What had he been  _ thinking _ ?

And then, just when he’d started to think that things couldn’t have possibly gotten worse, they did.

“So,” A voice behind him said, “ _ That’s _ who you were with.” 

Alec recognized the owner of that voice even before he’d turned around, and his heart sank like a heavy stone in his chest.

“Fuck… Andrew-”

_ Their date _ \- fuck.

Alec reached out his hand in an attempt to placate the anger he saw rising in the other man, but Andrew took a step back as though the last thing he wanted to do was be touched by Alec. Alec couldn’t say he blamed him.

“Andrew-” He tried again.

“You know, I’ve dated my fair share of terrible guys, Alec, but I think you’re the worst so far.”

“Andrew, I swear, I meant to reschedule yesterday-”

He’d completely forgotten, as occupied as he’d been with Magnus. He’d spent most of that day at Magnus’, ignoring his phone the entire time.

“Does he even know about us? What was his name?  _ Magnus? _ ” Andrew demanded, “Or were you two-timing the both of us?”

“I wasn’t- We aren’t actually-”

“Save your lies, Alec. I don’t wanna hear them.”

Andrew stalked off, and Alec stood rooted to the spot. He wanted to go after him, try again to explain himself, but he didn’t even think he had a good enough explanation for this.

How had he forgotten? Frantically, he dug his phone out of his pocket and switched it back on. Five messages from Andrew, since last night, awaited him. Alec swore under his breath.

He’d been so  _ stupid _ . Sebastian had been right. How many more people was he supposed to hurt in Magnus’ name? All this time, he’d been angry at Magnus for holding onto whatever he felt for Camille, but was Alec any different? He’d been so obsessed with his feelings for Magnus -which were never going to be reciprocated- that he’d now pushed away two really nice guys who’d  _ actually _ wanted to date him. 

Fuck, he was a terrible person.

“Hey, Alec-” 

Magnus.

Alec looked up to the sound of Magnus’ voice and found the other man walking eagerly towards him, a huge grin spread across his face.

“Look at this.” Magnus said, oblivious to all that Alec was thinking. He shoved his phone in front of Alec’s face, and it took a few seconds for Alec’s vision to focus on the screen. When he did, he saw what Magnus was so excited about, but it did nothing besides surge forward the resentment he himself felt.

“Camille’s been calling, and texting, non-stop all day today.” Magnus said gleefully, “We got to her, Alec.”

Alec opened his mouth and had to practically slam it shut for fear of what he would say right then if he allowed it. No, he wasn’t doing this right now. 

“That’s great, Magnus.” He forced out, and turned to walk away from him.

Of course, Magnus followed.

“Alec-  _ Alexander _ , what is it?” Magnus asked. He grabbed a hold of Alec’s arm, pulling them both to a stop. Alec glowered down at him. He wasn’t even angry at Magnus. But Magnus was there, and he was the source of so much of all this mess, and Alec didn’t know how  _ to not  _ be angry at him.

“I’m not feeling well.” Alec said anyway, because even if he himself felt like shit, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt yet another person today, “I’m just gonna go home, or something.”

“I’ll come with you.” Magnus said immediately.

“No, Magnus.” Alec snapped, “No, I’m really not in the mood to talk about Camille right now.”

“Wha- Alec-”

Alec ran a hand through his hair and tugged, frustrated with himself, “I just- go back inside, Magnus. I need some air.”

“No.” Magnus said, almost as if the thought of leaving offended him, “You’re upset.”

“You think!” Alec growled, “Fuck, yeah, I’m upset, Magnus. Good of you to notice, God knows you’ve never cared before.”

“You think that I don’t care?” Magnus asked, his eyes wide in horror, “You-  _ Alec _ , what are you-”

“Of course you don’t, Magnus.” Alec said, hating himself for every word he uttered but unable to stop now that he’d started, “If you had, maybe- maybe you would have realized that I’ve been in love with you all this time. Maybe you wouldn’t have made me pretend to be your fucking boyfriend because you wanted to show Camille that you were over her, despite the fact that you clearly fucking aren’t!”

Magnus recoiled as though he’d been struck, the hand that had been holding onto Alec pulling away. It was funny, Alec thought, how even in his anger he was so in tune with Magnus that he could practically identify the exact moment Magnus’ defenses went up. He stepped back, hands crossed over his chest, the pain that had been in his eyes a moment before giving way to coldness at the accusations Alec threw at him.

“ _ I made you? _ ” He hissed, “You agreed! You were the one who wanted to do this. I was perfectly fine letting Camille think whatever she wanted to think, and  _ you _ said-”

“See!” Alec exploded, “There, Magnus! I just told you that I am  _ fucking _ in love with you, and all you heard was  _ Camille _ ! I don’t fucking care about her!”

Magnus froze. Alec could picture the wheels in his head turning, replaying back Alec’s words, and he  _ saw _ the moment it clicked for Magnus. 

His mouth fell open, and then snapped shut again, several times, before Alec was turning away from him.

He didn’t need to see Magnus’ reaction, and Magnus didn’t need to see the way that the lack of a response broke him.

“Alec-!” Magnus called, but Alec had already begun walking. 

Magnus did not follow him this time.

* * *

On Christmas day, Magnus dragged himself to Ragnor and Catarina’s place. He would much rather be at home licking his wounds with his cat throwing him the occasional judgmental look, but his friends would be worried if he didn't show up, and so he went, reluctantly, hoping to just get it over with.

They took one look at him and asked, “What happened?”

Magnus scowled. He’d actually put  _ effort _ into making himself look presentable, just to fend off exactly this. But of course he should have known that his friends would figure him out. They always had been exceptionally good at reading him. Same as  _ Alec _ .

Alec hadn’t said one wrong thing about Magnus that night.

Even though it hurt Magnus to admit it.

He hadn't spoken to Alec since he'd walked away from him two nights ago, and Magnus' only attempt at reaching out -a  _ can we talk _ he'd sent in one of his more pained moments, had been met with nothing but silence. Magnus had gotten the message. Alec didn't want to hear from him, and Magnus couldn't blame him.

“Is it the blonde she-devil?” Ragnor demanded, “What did she do this time?”

“It’s not Camille.” Magnus said, spitting her name perhaps a bit too sharply. Catarina frowned, “Then, what?”

Magnus did not want to talk about Alec. Thinking about Alec was like a knife driving repeatedly through Magnus’ chest, far less for actually summoning the courage to say out loud all the things that had been plaguing him since that night. 

But Catarina and Ragnor, intuitive as they were, didn't need him to say anything.

“Ahh.” Catarina said slowly, understanding dawning on her, “It’s Alec, isn’t it?”

Magnus broke, sinking into their couch and curling up into himself, he buried his head in his hands.

“I messed up, guys.” He said mournfully, “Really badly.”

Ragnor sighed. 

Catarina was next to Magnus in a heartbeat, her hands wrapping around him and tugging him close, “It’s okay.” 

“It isn’t.” Magnus insisted, “Alec-”

He broke off, unable to finish his words out loud.

Alec loved him.

Alec was  _ in love with him _ .

And Magnus had-

“Let me guess.” Ragnor said, “This has something to do with your ridiculous  _ ‘let’s be fake boyfriends’ _ plan?”

Magnus sniffed.

“Oh, Magnus.” Catarina sighed, “Come on. Let’s get something to drink, and you can tell us all about it.”

* * *

“So,” Catarina began once Magnus had finished lamenting his problems, “He finally told you, huh?”

Magnus frowned, “What do you mean,  _ ‘finally’ _ ?”

Ragnor snorted, rolling his eyes with a huff, “Magnus, that boy has been in love with you for  _ years _ .”

“What are you talking about?”

That couldn’t be true. Alec would have said something. Or at least, Magnus would have noticed.

_ Right? _

“You think we were upset when you decided to propose to Camille? Alec was distraught. Not just for himself, but because it  _ killed _ him to see the person he was in love with marry someone like that.” Catarina said.

“You really think he would drag himself to your apartment building at 2am in the freezing cold on the night your plane got back, for just a friend?” Ragnor asked, exasperated, “I suppose you haven’t yet realized that  _ you're _ in love with him, too, then?”

Magnus blinked.

But Catarina and Ragnor did not seem to be joking; they were looking at him in complete and total earnest.

And just as Magnus was about to refute their claim on the grounds of it being totally ridiculous, it hit him.

Fuck.

Oh fuck.

_ Oh fuck _ .

“Oh.” Magnus breathed, _“_ _ Oh .” _

Ragnor rolled his eyes.

“Yes.” He said, “Magnus, I say this with all of the affection you know I have for you, but you absolute fool. Go get your man.”

Magnus downed the rest of his drink and was out of the door in a flash.

* * *

_**I’ll give it to someone special** _

Alec felt like he was operating on auto-pilot.

He had put on a happy face for his family, though he knew they could all tell that something was wrong. He'd avoided Izzy, in particular, not wanting to give her the chance to corner him about Magnus yet again. He knew that she meant well, but his sister's insistence on getting involved in things was more than he felt he could handle at the moment, on top of everything else he was already struggling to deal with. 

The worst part was that he wasn't even sad just for himself. He kept thinking about Magnus, and what he was going though. How he was feeling. Alec beat himself up over what he'd said to Magnus that night. He'd barely slept at all for how bad he felt about it. Through his own pain, he could not avoid his heart's desire to heal Magnus'.

He wanted to reach out. He wanted to reply to one of his texts or pick up the phone and call, apologizing for what he'd said. He hated knowing that he was the cause of any suffering Magnus might be going through.

After a few hours of trying his best to push past the fog in his mind and be as involved as he could possibly manage to be, Alec finally excused himself and said that he'd be going home early for the day.

"I'm not feeling well." He said when concerned eyes fell on him.

"Still?" Maryse asked, standing to cross over to him, "Are you sure you don't want to stay here, Alec? You don't look too well. You can stay ups-"

He took hold of her hand and gently moved it away from his face, where she'd been checking his temperature, "No, mom. Really, I'm just tired."

"I'm worried about you." 

"I'll be okay." Alec insisted, "I promise. I'll call later, alright?"

He didn't wait to hear any more of her concerns. He didn't think he could bear it any longer.

As he stood in the foyer pulling on his coat, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He  _ looked _ miserable. He could see why Maryse had been worried; his hair disheveled, dark circles under his eyes betraying the sleep he hadn’t been getting. 

Soft footsteps against the floorboards alerted Alec to someone else walking towards him. He turned, ready to confront Maryse again, but was cut off by Izzy -and really, he should have known that it would be Izzy- raising a hand to silence him.

"Magnus  _ does _ love you." Izzy told him, "He may not know it yet, but he does, Alec. I've seen the way he looks at you. You need to tell him the truth about what you're feeling."

"Izzy-"

"It's eating you up inside, keeping it from him."

Alec shoved a hand through his hair, tugging to the point of pain as he glared down at her.

"I did tell him." He snapped, "I told him, and you know what he did? Nothing. He just looked at me like I'd… Like it was the very last thing he'd ever wanted to hear."

Izzy seemed shocked, enough that she had no immediate response.

"Magnus doesn't feel the way I do, Iz." Alec continued with a sigh, "He never will. I just need to accept that."

Izzy shook her head, her dark eyes wide and adamant, "No. He was just surprised. Alec, I know-"

"You  _ don't _ know, Iz. Please, just leave it alone." Alec begged.

Izzy's mouth closed, slowly, reluctant acceptance dawning on her as she looked at him. 

Alec pulled open the front doors and left.

* * *

Alec stabbed his floor number on the elevator panel and slumped back against the wall as the doors slid closed. 

He wanted nothing more than to crawl into his bed and forget about the day - _ the week _ \- that he’d had. He also wanted nothing more than to call Magnus and beg for forgiveness. 

Maybe he would’ve done that sooner, had it not been for his reluctance to face Magnus after he’d confessed his clearly unreciprocated feelings for him. How was he meant to ever look at Magnus again? Much less talk to him. He’d ruined everything between them.

When Alec stepped out onto his apartment floor, he froze.

Magnus was sitting on the ground besides Alec's door, his head down, staring at the floor through the space his legs made. 

For a moment, Alec just stared, convinced his sleep deprived brain had finally begun hallucinating.

When Magnus did not disappear, despite how many times Alec blinked at his form, he finally accepted that maybe he was not crazy. He was, however, very confused.

"What are you doing here?" He asked after he'd found his voice. Magnus' head snapped up.

"Alexander." He breathed, clambering to his feet and adjusting his clothes, "Alec."

"Stop." Alec ordered, though it came out more as a plea, the sound of his name on Magnus' tongue too painful a memory, "Just… stop."

Magnus looked crestfallen, but he stepped closer towards Alec anyway, his hands fidgeting where he held them at his sides.

"How long have you been waiting here?" Alec asked.

Magnus averted his gaze, "A couple hours. It doesn't matt-"

"Magnus." Alec frowned, "You have a key. You could've-"

"I didn't think you would appreciate me… encroaching on your personal space. Not after what happened. But I

need to talk to you." He said softly, "Please. I know that- I'm probably the last person you want to see right now. But I… I owe you this."

_ Never _ , Alec wanted to say. Magnus' presence could never be unwanted, no matter what. Even if he was most likely here to officially tell Alec that he could never be in love with him the way that Alec wanted him.

Alec swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and nodded.

"Let's go inside." 

Magnus’ answering smile -small and hesitant as it was- almost made Alec’s impending heartbreak worth it.

* * *

Magnus could not prevent himself from tensing as the door to Alec's apartment clicked shut behind them, but he forced himself to relax and, after a deep breath to calm himself and a conscious effort to stop his hands from fidgeting, turning to face Alec.

Alec stood in the middle of the room, and only then did Magnus realize that he’d wandered over to the large window overlooking the city. Alec regarded him warily, but there was something underneath that carefully guarded expression that Magnus could almost figure out, but not quite. Neither of them spoke, and though Magnus had spent all of the last few hours preparing this speech in his mind, he found himself coming up empty when faced with the actual moment to say it, none of his usual eloquence making a much needed appearance.

“What did you want to say?” Alec asked finally, when he’d apparently had too much of the silence stretching around them. 

The thing was, Magnus knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Alec that he’d been stupid, so stupid, to not have realized all these years that Alec had been in love with him. 

And then he wanted to tell Alec that he’d been even stupider for not realizing that he himself felt the same way.

Thinking back on it, he had no idea how he’d ever missed it. How he could have ever interpreted what he felt for Alec as being anything else. How had he missed the very obvious signs of his love for the man standing in front of him?

“ _ Magnus _ .” Alec said, “Are you… is there something you wanted to say, or-?”

“There is.” Magnus said, “I- I just don’t want to mess this up, the way I’ve messed up everything else.”

“You didn’t mess anything up.” Alec said quickly, insistently, “If anything, I did. I shouldn’t have said-”

“What you said, Alexander, you were right. About all of it.” Magnus cut him off, “I have been… obsessed, for lack of a better word, with Camille. Especially this past week. So obsessed that I let myself miss everything else. Even the more important things.”

Alec’s mouth fell open in an inaudible intake of breath, “I-I don’t-”

“I don’t think I have the right words here.” Magnus said again, “But… I do think, if you’ll let me, Alexander, that I can  _ show _ you.”

Alec’s curt nod came after a moment of hesitation, and as Magnus approached him slowly, he only saw that trepidation increase.

Still, he pushed himself forward, because this was the only way he knew to convey all the thoughts that had been running at him with the force of an avalanche since he’d left Catarina and Ragnor.

When he reached Alec, they stood so close that Magnus could almost feel the rush of Alec’s breath on his face. He reached out and took Alec’s hands in his, slowly bringing them upwards so that he held them in front of him, between their two bodies. When Alec looked down, Magnus found himself doing the same.

He took a deep breath. In, and out.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Magnus said. Alec’s eyes snapped back up to his face, searching him as though he half expected Magnus to take the words back.

“I know I made... so many mistakes.” Magnus continued, forcing himself to hold Alec’s gaze, “But I want to fix this. I want to fix  _ us _ .”

Alec’s brows furrowed and he shook his head, “No, Magnus. You don’t… I don’t want this unless-”

“I do want this.” Magnus assured him, tightening his old on Alec’s hands, “I want this. I’ve wanted this for so long, and I don’t know how I convinced myself that I didn’t.” 

Alec’s eyes widened, and Magnus saw the disbelief coloring his expression as he looked at him. It hurt to see, but he understood, and he was only too happy to spend as much time as needed changing it.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” He said again, more assuredly. And then, softer, “For real this time.”

Alec’s eyes flickered down to his lips for the briefest of seconds before he was meeting Magnus’ eyes again, his cheeks starting to turn to their usual shade of red.

“Okay.” He said simply.

Inwardly, Magnus rejoiced. A small part of him had been prepared to be turned away, so convinced that Alec would never want anything to do with him ever again. 

And then they were kissing. Magnus was transported back to their first kiss, that first night, the one that had started all of this. That kiss had been rushed, a sense of urgency as Magnus had tried to achieve a goal he hadn’t even properly formed for himself yet. He’d only had one focus that night, which had been to anger Camille. 

Now, he felt he’d done himself -done them both, really- a massive disservice. And he used this kiss to make up for it, with everything that he had.

When their lips met, it was like everything fell into place around them. Alec held him close, kissing him back like did everything else; with single minded, intense focus and determination. Alec parted his lips and traced Magnus’ tongue with his own, kissing him deep, until they were both gasping for breath around it.

Only then did they pull back, still holding each other everywhere else. Alec’s arms around him, Magnus’ fingers entangled in the shorter hairs at the back of Alec’s head. Breathing heavily, their foreheads pressed together.

Everything was perfect.

“I love you.” Magnus said.

He felt, rather than saw, Alec’s smile; radiating off of him in waves, a moment before he captured Magnus’ lips once more.

**Author's Note:**

> I first began watching Shadowhunters when 2B began airing, and though I was in the fandom (the tumblr side of it) I barely really engaged and observed mostly from the sidelines. When the show ended, I drifted away from it. Then, quarantine and the rest of this year occurred, and I desperately needed an escape. I decided to re-watch the series, and found myself falling in love with the characters and the story all over again, and because I immediately needed more of them, I threw myself into fanfic and actively rejoined the fandom, and stumbled upon this wonderful community of fans who still love this show even after all these years.  
> To everyone who read any of my writing this year, thank you. You all made this year so much better for me, and I can only hope that I managed to do the same for you, if only just a little bit.  
> I love you all, enjoy what's left of the Holidays, however you celebrate it <3  
> If you wanna come say hi to me, I'm @nikialexx on tumblr and @nerdesqque on twitter!


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